A COMEDY 



In 3 Acts, by 



?s 



V 



^0$^ M^^I^X 



^ 



Entitled, 



XSJy HIS 



LAUNDRY 



Introducing a JSFew and Original Water Scene, 



ALL BIGHTS BESERVED. 



Entered according to the Act of Congress, by Josh Hart, December 
1st, 1879. 



I 



A COMEDY 



In 3 Acts, by 



v^ 



^ O S H » ^ $1 T 



Entitled, 



^ ^^r^fr 






Wl 



AND HIS 



LAUNDRY 



m' m %^^ 



Introducing a J\Few and Original Water Scene. 



ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



\o, 1879. ^y 



Entered according to the Act of Congress, by Josh Hart, December 
1st, 1879. 



/^ '^^: 



7^^"^ 



< 



:t\ 



^3> 



Washee W^ashee, 



OR 



Situs ii ll@ lifil liMifiss. 



An Criminal Sketcli bj 6, L SMT. 



TMPS6-0J6415 



[Scene First.] * 

Tldo Emse Street. — On the R. A. Brikery, with sign over door, "P.O''Brianay 
J^eu'ih Bakery Large window with **Bread and Oakes'"' painted on it; 
on the L sign over door, ''Ohing Wing, Chinase Laundry.'''' 



Enter Mrs. 0'Holiha.n", with a small bundle of clothes under her arm. 

B. L E. 



M«s. H. — *'01i Muslia! is it not a sin and a shame that a poor woman like 
m9 in a free and independent country should be run out by a lot of He:ithen 
Chinamen, bad lu3k: to them, (looking at bundle.) See here, this is all the 
clothes I could get, all of the paaple I hive been washing for, has gone and 
give them to the Chinese; they say, they do them cheaper; faith and well 
they may, they live on nothing, a lot of mioe, or a rat or dead dog is a 
feast to th^m. and t-h9y call this a free country, where a blasted heathen, a 
white nager has as much and more rights than a decent christian, {look at 
house L,} and there is the place where (iiey live, (reading sign, Ching 
Wing; may the devil fly away with you and your name to Ching Wing. 
Oh! muL-ther. there is a name for a chi-istian." (shikes herjist at sign.) 

Enter OniNa Wij^g- from L. I. E., with a very large bundle of clothes on 

hisb%ok] he goes towirds laa^Klry L, land runs against Mrs. R. and 

knocks her down. 

Mrs. H, {onstage). — "What was that that struck me." 

Cmifa. — "Me beg a pardon, Ilish woman; me did not see you, alia 
samee." 

Mrs. H. {^getting up ) . — "And was it you who struck me, ye rat eating 
healAien; is it for the likes of you, and be knocking decent people from the 
pavement after taking the bread out of their mouth, ye beast of a foreigner ; 
may the auld nick admh'e ye." 

Gfirn^G. — "Me very sorry ; Ilish woman no good washee, no good; alia 
samee Chinaman don^t like Irish." 

Mrs. H. — "So ye don't like the Irish? only hear that; the heathen don't 
like thi Irish, that's a gi-eat pity; well, well, ye are a disgrace to human 
nature:" 



Ching — **I]ish no good, drink a -whislr, eater spud, all the lime diUDkee, 
no good all tlie san»ee; Chinee man good man, geltn plentee wasli; (points 
to large lundle he has,) llisb woman no good, getta no much wasli.' 

Mf s. H. — *'And is it tlie liles of ye who takes ihe bread out of mine and 
me children's moullis, and Ihen jibes me wid it. Ab, ye creatuie. Til take 
tbat wash ye have frem ye tliis minute, or my name is not Biidget Ann 
O'Holiban." {Strikes thing cnr ihe head with Uitidle cf cJclhis; Chivg 
throws large lundle at htr and Inoiks her dtun ; a fierce fight takes place 
between them.) 

Filter Dan. O'Hoiihan, K. I. E. 

Dan. — '* Hello, what's Il)is I see, my wife Bridget Ann getting murdered 
by a Chinee; (by this time Ching is holding Mrs. B. and beating her with 
bundle. Lan trips Ching tip,} now Bridget Ann ye liave liim, knock the 
hfe out of him." 

Ching, (hallooing) . Hop Sing, Wing Wa> g, Kry Sin, and several Chinese 
from Latindry enter with bamboo sticks and beat Lan and Mrs. H. 
During ihe malice ihe bundle is broke open and ihe clothes thrown all 
over the stage ; a bundle is thrown into the ^aker^s window and. it is broke. 

Enter O'Briana from house J? ; looks at his window, 

OBeiana. — **'WJio shall go and tlirow in de Tinder; bad luck, who broke 
me virder." (Be looks and sees Dan and Mrs. B. fighting ; he pitches en to 
Chinese ; several Chinese rush in and beat thim all off.) 



Change of Scene. 
[Scene^Secon d.] 

The interior of an **Irish Laundry.'''' Tables B and L with women Ironing. 



Mks. Ckogan. — *'Well well ; I wonder what can keep Biidget Ann so 
long with the washing she went after. I hope she got plenty of it, for we 
have hark work now a days to make a living." 

Mes. Fagan. — "Trtie for ye Mrs. Cretan, we poor women find it very 
hard to make both ends meet, and my husband Tim lias not done a stroke of 
work ior tver three mcnihs, and so m^ny m( ull s to iecd at home, faith it 
makes me sick when ] think of all the trouble we poor creatures have to go 
through." 

Ml s. Cecgan.— "I tell ye, Mrs. Fagan, we'll never get along with them 
cliinese. Before they csme irto the (ounliy, there was work and plenty for 
all of us to do, but the beiists now aie getting all of the Avasbing to do. Oil 
it was a sad day whin the monkeys left their native country and settled 
here." 



3 

A noise out side. Enter Mrs. Holthan, with a black eye and her face 

scr'utched and clothes torn. She movts down st^ge and faints in chair. 

All the women leave their ironing and gather around her. 

All — "What's tlie matter, Mrs. Holihan," 

{]\Irs. EoliJian, after they have dashed water in her jace and burnt paper 
under her nose slowly comes too.) 

Mrs. H.—" Where am I?" 

Mrs. Crogan. — "Why here in the laundry. What has happened?" 

Mrs. H. {looking around,) — 'I have been malvoosted and murdered by 
the Chinese, me and Mike My huslance the heathens have killed us. Oh 
murder, the beathig that they gave us." 

Mrs. Crogan. — "And is it a chinaman you'd let beat a strong hearty 
woman like 3e?" 

Mrs. H. — "A chinee on me. there was a hundred of thetn. Mike is dead 
Fm sure he is, he tried to take my part, when the whole Chinese laundry 
fell U|x.n us, and devil of a whole bone did they leave in our bodies. Not 
content with taking^ the bread from our mouths, they want our lives. Shall 
wo poor downtrodden women stand this?" 

All the Women. — '^No, never." 

Mr. Holihan is brought on a shutter by Pat Crogan and Tim Fagan. The 
women all gather around him and begin kiding him. Oh, Musha, why 

did ye get kilt. 

Mrs. H. — " Now out ye Tim Fagan and tell all of the neighbors that 
Mike is kilt by the Chinese, and you pat go the corner for a bottle of whisky 
and pipes to wake the poor boy decent. Oh, Mike, why did ye get kilt." 

Mike, {still lyiiig on shutter and speaking aside.) — "I'll wait till the 
whisky comes before I'll revive. Every bone in me body is aking now." 

The women all kean. Enter Pat with a bottle of luhisky ; he gets near the 
head of Mike, pours it out into tea cups, and presents it to the women. 
He turns his head away each time from Mike, who is about to dHnk, 
when Pat turns back again. 

Mike. — "Be the powers they a robbin' the corpse. I must have my share. 
(jumps up suddenly and siezes bottle.) Give me some of that, do you think 
I have no mouth, ye robbers of the dead." 

Mrs. H. — 'So it's not dead ye are at all Mike?" 

Mike — "Sure I'm not, but I ought to be from the beating 1 got from 
tliem heathen Chinese." 

Mrs. H. — '-Faith are we to stand tliis, to have our bread taken from our 
mouths, and then be beat till we are black and blue." 

E7iter Tim. Fagan and a lot of Irish Men and Women, door in fiat. 



Mrs. H. {t%k'uij a Hble and get'.mg up on ti,)— "My friends and country 
men nnd women : Are we to stand bein' beat and murtliored by a lot of 
blasted heathens wh > his over run our country; a lot of infedel forners who 
do our work?" 

Everybody. — "Clean them out." 

MnCE. — "Yes, clane them out, they want it. We'll make broken china 
of the n, the rat-eating torments." 

Mrs. H. — "Let every woman sieze her iron or her washboard and follow 
me. Til lead ye on to beating, and let our cry be death and destruction to th3 
heathen chinee.'" 

All rush from door. Change of scene. 

[Scene Third.] 
Chinese Laundry and Bakery. Same as Scene First. 



Eater O'BRiANA/rom R. 1. E. with a couple of his bakers. 



* O'l. dis is vei'y mu ;Ii wronr mi vindir is b:'o'ven, guii san paell. ma fal. 
M ly tlie devil a Imire tbe ones that d)ne it. Til corapreiiend sans bland 
taader and de devil. M3 vind^r, {shaking hisji^ at the laundry,) the dirty 
h^itlim spilpeen; I'll mike you pay for that window. I am as a riere, 
you'll find me." 

Eater all the Irish wormn and imn with Mrs. Holiha.n at the head. 

Mrs. H. — '"See there's the place where tlie heathens live and work, and 
there's the place they beat us." 

O'Briana.. — " Madam look at my vinder, you see how he vos broken? 
Come, less pour a Viis." 

MiS. EI. ^" Come, don't be giving us any of your Fren3h, you can speak 
as g>od Irish as aiy of U4, sure I Knew you b3fjre ye french-afree your 
nine, and you called yourself O'Bryan tien, and now you're Monsieur 
O 3.-iani. O 1, muslia, there's a name for a country g ihvay man: be the 
powers, if they had you in Ireland with sujh a cognomen, they'd put you in 
the bays for frog." 

O'Briaxa. — "You will comprehend madam.'' 

Mrs. H. — "Don't tell. If you are a man, an Irishman, don't disgrace 
your country, but lend a hand to beat these foreign devils of Chinese from 
the country." 

OB:iiA.>fA. — "Faith I will ye, they broke ray window, (suddenly selecting 
himself,) I'll co nprehmd, miian, my vinder is taut sweet, I mean." 

Mrs. H.— " Don't say another word, ye gave yourself dead away with me 
vin ler, as if ye hii an Irisli spud in your mouth, will you lend a hand and 
help to clean out the Chinese? " 



O'Bkiana. — "I will have bad luck to me, but I will." 

Mks H. — " That yell would give ye away if nothing else. Xow let all of 
ye follow me, and rush upon the heathens, and wherever you see a ]ic«d, 
don't wait, but strike it. Strike for yur bread and lutter; strike for }ur 
rights, and let yur cry still be, equal rights to all men, but down with t- e 
heathen chinee." 

They all cheer and rush ivto the Chivese Lavndry. The hakers follow 
them. Change of Scene. 

[Scene Fourth.] 

The Inferior of a Chinese Laundry. ^ Stove near G with Irons on,'' 
Tables B and L with chinamen ironiiig. ^'Tuhs of water' C luith 
chinamen washing, 

Enter Ching Wing with a hlack eye. 



Ching. — "Ilish man makee Ching black eye. Ilish man no good alia 
samee. Ilish voman much madce because chinaman gettee much washee. 
Hop Loo. (Hep Loo comes down from his tub.) how manee shirtee have in 
de wash?" 

Hop, — " Two dozen shirtee, all de same six dozen, call 3 dozen sockce." 

Ching. — "Make a wash. Merican man wantee alia samee dis dayee, stop 
me to get dinner, dinner all done, dog a cookce. Very nice little dogee; 
voman come in laundry getta wash, have little dogee, chinaman see him, 
takee him in back roomee, tellee voman degee run out door, he held up dog 
skin, savee you?" 

Hop. — *• Me savee, very nice, ea.tee dog, makee." 

Ching. — "Come bring dinner alia samee now." (Eop goes off and brings 
in bowls of rice and bowl with stewed dog in. Ching takes 7 ice and eats it 
with chop sticks.) 

Enter Mrs. Melrose, D. in flat. 

Mrs. Melrose. — "Did you see anything of my dear little Fido, since 1 
left? " 

Ching." Fido, vat you callee Fido?" 

Mrs. Melrose. — "Why, my dear little poodle dog tliat I had with me 
when I came in to see about the washing, about an hour ago." 

Hop. — "Little dogee, he run in streetee." 

Mrs. Melrose. — "No he didn't, a gentleman who was standing at the 
door waiting for me, says he never left this place, so he must be here now." 

Ching. — "Me no see him." 



Mrs. Melrose, (looks around and discovers ski?i ) — "Oh, that is the skin 
of ray dear little Fi lo, he had a blue ribbon around his neck. {Looks in the 
botvls andjishes out bhie ribbon,) Oh there i» tlie ribbon. I declare it these 
brutes aint going to eat my dear little Fido. {screams and faints.) 

Ghinamen all gather around her,, she screams police. 

Enter Policeman, D. in flat. 

Policeman. — "What's the matter here?" 

Miss Melrose. — "Why Mr. Policeman, I came in lipre about an hour ago 
to see about some washing, and I had a dear litt e dog witli me and I sud- 
denly missed him, they told me he had run out tiie door. When I returned 
just now, I found his skin here, and these nasty cliinamen eating my dog," 

Ching. — "Me no likee dogee. ratee good, but now bow wow alia samee no 
good. Savee?" 

Policeman. — " Well mam, if the dog was licensed, the best thing for you 
to do is to get out a warrant for robbery, dog gone robbery. Come with 
me, I'll attend to this." 

Exit with Miss Meb'ose. 

Chino. — "Eat dogee up quickee, so when policemanee come he no find 
him." 

All the Chimamen eat from bowls very quick, and Hop takes dog skin 
and throws it in the stove Ghing goes up and blows water over 
clothes and begins to iroyr. A loud shout is heard outside. Enter 
all of Irish with Mrs. Holihan at their head. , 

Mrs. Holihan. — "There they are, don't lave a mother son of the heathens 
alive, give it to them." 

The chinamen throw water from tubs; a. fight all around takes place between 

Irish and Chinamen with water, at last the Chinamen charge with hot 

irons and drive the Irish across the stage. 

Mrs. Holihan. — "Go into the baker's next door, get wliatever you can 
and for the honor of ould Ireland, don't let these lieathens beat ye." 

Chinamen charge and drive Irish out the door. Chinamen all shout. 

Ching. — "Good, very good; we lick Tlishman alia samee like heIIe<o. 
chinamen brave, no care for hoodlum, make it hotee for them; alia samee 
loafers, allee time no good, allee wash he spoilt ; me go for policeman, put 
out Ilishman." 

A loud shout is heard outside, Irish and Bakers return armed with loaves of 
bread and rolls. A grand water battle ; water thrown from tubs and 
buckets over each other utilil end of scene. 



i 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




016 103 635 3 



